Movies

Movies i've watched in the last few days...first is "The Time Travelers Wife" kind of a chick flick but I read the book last year and wanted to check it out. Ultimately it's a great story..a bit odd but definitely a change from the typical movies made over and over...you know, the underdog athlete, the action flick, or the superhero comic movies. I found it creepy that the time traveler Henry would just randomly show up in a meadow to visit a 6 year old(his future wife), but he is in his forties when he travels..lol. It eventually makes sense as the story progesses. I suggest reading the book first but definitely check out one of the two. I also watched "Bourne Ultimatum" which is nothing new..one of my favorites i've seen like 30 times. Thirdly, I probably would not recommend is "The Grizzly Man." lol....Its a documentary about Tim Treadwell who spent 13 summers in Alaska roaming with bears! He talks with the bears.."hi there big guy, I love you." lol...The best thing about it is he spends that time unarmed. Typical environmentalists...the story made headline news in 2003 when he and his girlfriend died from a Grizzly attack! Shocking, huh? Not so much. Lastly, a movie I am not typically interested in b/c it's the same tear jerking story..."The Blindside." I thought I would view it b/c honestly, i'll probably watch anything based on a true story, like American Haunting(hate those movies) but found out it was based on a true story and somewhat enjoyed it. Anyways, "The Blindside" was extremely good! Definitely recommend it. It really makes you appreciate what you have. So, those were my latest viewings.

Thankful

So I was debating whether I was going to blog about this portion of my life or not and obviously I am. I know it is a very personal matter but i'm not ashamed either so here I write... I have come to realize in the past year that I have a problem...a problem that can end now or create havoc in my life. For what seemed like fun for so long ended up taking control of my life and I started on a downward spiral. I am an alcoholic. It's depressing, I know. Some people can have a casual cocktail and go on about their business, unfortunately I can not. I have blacked out several times, received a dui, destroyed several relationships, put my education on hold, hurt family members and nearly lost my career. I started drinking when I was 17 which compared to most kids isn't that young. I started drinking heavily when I was 18, tried the college thing, decided it wasn't for me and continued to party hard. From 18 to about 22 I partied in night clubs where there were continuous fights and where I actually saw people get shot. When I was 20 I pretty much knew the whole night scene where I lived and knew just about everyone. My brother was 17 at the time and I knew the owner of one club so he let us in to drink. I threw drinks back this particular night until I could hardly walk. I got into a fight with another guy and they shut the club down for the night. The fight continued outside and the other guy jumped in his car started to drive off, opened his door and started firing his gun. My brother was shot in the face that night because he was standing beside me(he lived and is ok). I began to party even harder and never learned my so called "lesson." When I was about 23 the alcohol wasn't enough so I decided to bring cocaine into my life. I partied like that until I was about 26 and spent a ton of money. I moved to Baltimore, MD in July 2007 hoping to escape the party scene and get control back over my life. Not only did I not gain control, it actually got worse. I figured leaving a town where I knew just about everyone would help but it didn't. I made new friends up here and it was all the same. It seemed like I attracted the poison in my life. I believe it was just that I wasn't ready to give it up and I found ways to look for that lifestyle. About a year ago I tried percocets and instantly got hooked. It was a great feeling, or so I thought. I continued to blow through money and spend my nights when I wasn't working at the bars. I was in a relationship too at this point. Needless to say I would ruin that eventually. Her and I were living together and we split. I roomed w/ my cousin after this and pretty much drank through her liquor cabinet. At this point I really knew I had a problem. I got a dui in the past October and blew a .19. I am not proud of that by any means. Not that I don't care about legal problems but my biggest worry every time I sober up is hurting someone. I have a great heart and I would do just about anything for anyone within reason. So, I decided I wanted to give up that life. I tried to stop on my own and that probably lasted about 3 days tops. I continued to drink and the pain pills got worse. I don't have pain, never had a broken bone in my life, I just did them because it felt good. I went home to Asheville about two weeks ago and my intentions were to see a lot of old friends I grew up with only that never happened. I rented a hotel room, drank hard and popped percocets. I partied all night and slept all day. I never spent any quality time with anyone. I came back to MD and during my 9 hour drive back I replayed my entire life and thought about where I could be in life right now without the alcohol. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for my career God has blessed me with but I could be so much more successful. Moving right along....Last Friday was I guess you can say "the straw that broke the camels back." Knowing I had to work the next day and being the alcoholic that I am, I went to the liquor store and bought a fifth of Captain Morgan. I drank most of the bottle by myself at home and then decided to drive to my cousins house where there was a small gathering. I finished the fifith there without anyone touching it. I ended up cursing my family and pretty much was thrown out...very embarrassing and I am so sorry for that. My family comes second to God and I love them very much. Alcohol can completely alter your personality and I was consuming it like water. I don't remember much of that and I certainly don't remember anything after that and obviously I was driving. When I checked my checking account the next day I had obviously went to a nearby bar and the liquor store AGAIN that night. I went home and blacked out. The next day during a conversation with my Mother I tell her I need help, I can not do it alone. I checked myself into rehab and was released yesterday. I am tired of that life and my religion, family, friends, and goals are more important then any drink or drug. And for those who read this blog and drink, i'm not criticizing drinking in any way, it is just not meant to be a part of my life. I just can not handle it. I enjoy so many things in life like the outdoors, traveling, exercising, and playing with my dog but have done none of those things for a long time. The only hobby I had for a long time is getting trashed. My therapist in rehab made a valid point to me...for so long I thought you have to hit rock bottom before seeking help, which fortunately I never hit but I can get the help now to prevent it from happening. I am not saying I will never slip up and have a drink again but I know it won't be anytime soon. I have decided I want to be in control of my life and God has provided me with a great, new path!